So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
my poor anus
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
