yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
