I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
