Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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