I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
