She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
