I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
