How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
