my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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