He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
