In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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