Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
