you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
