we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
FUCK WHALES
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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