I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
