Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
