it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
