Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
