Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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