Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
