Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
