We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
