Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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