i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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