Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
did i just pee glitter
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
