Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
