Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Who died my cat blue again?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
