I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
