Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
