i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
