I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
