dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
