Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
