Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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