I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
