Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
