I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Randomize
