we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
