They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
