the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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