apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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