Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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