Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
