All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
bring money and cleavage
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
