I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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