I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
