and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
