420 ftw
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
