Ambien. No doubt about it.
This girl is more easily done than said...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
