Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Two words: nipple clamps
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