so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My penis needs a shock collar
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
