I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
