got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
